(Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Basically a Memoir.
Everyday is a constant dream. Everyday I continue living of this world yet apart from even my own body. They call it dissociation disorder, just one sector of PTSD.
I don’t feel like I can process new memories or properly remember the old; I don’t feel I can wake up of a morning and remember what was yesterday or what was a dream. It’s not this bad everyday, some days are better than others…. But of course some days are worse. Some days I’m lost in the world and can’t find the strength to hold myself together.
There is a heavy cloud in my head that follows me. Occasionally, it will rain and fog up the tunnel so I can’t see my way out. Sometimes it’s a dull light and I know deep down that I have to do but it is just so damn hard. Everything around me has swelled up and I’m lost, I doubt everything.
The people who I once relied on, or tried to, don’t understand. They see the wall as something to hurt them or push them away. That I have no care for them any longer. But I need them. I need someone to just accept that sometimes I will slip away; sometimes I will lack conversation and the ability to socialise – But this is how I cope.
I’m trying. Maybe not hard enough, but I’m trying.
p.s. this is something i wrote in the past and thankfully have been set free from.
p.p.s this was something medically diagnosed by a professional and not to be self diagnosed.